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Quantum Physicists collapse infinite superposition of all infinity into old bearded guy

Written by Jordan Peacock : April 15, 2008

godofphysics.jpgAt CERN this week, in preparation for the final construction stages for the LHC (Large Hadron Collider), a smaller-scale test run has just completed. The test, meant as the first of a series of tests ramping up to the full scale launch of the LHC, works with quantum particles in a growing attempt to unify some of the more complex and seemingly contradictory models of physics, primarily that of general relativity as proposed by Albert Einstein. Modern scientists such as the famous Stephen Hawking have spent years trying to develop a ‘grand theory of everything’ that can handle the complexities of the competing models.

The first sign the test was going wrong was when the equipment monitoring the experiment broke. The self destruction of the monitoring devices first manifested as computer errors, followed by system shutdowns and small explosions. Dr. Hans Skretting, a leader in quantum physics, attempted to move to a backup observation system and in the process, accidentally observed the experiment directly.

“It was like looking at infinity shrink, infinitely fast. The first thought that came to my mind was that ‘This must be what God is’. As soon as that thought entered my mind the collapse accelerated until the only thing left was a body, laying on the control room floor with wisps of smoke rising about him.”

According to witnesses, the body raised itself and stood; the man was wearing brilliant white robes and sandals, and while bald, had a beard of the whitest hair that reached almost to his waist. His first words where “What happened?”

Word is that the mysterious stranger has since been detained for tests, while an EU science committee has launched an investigation into the experiment’s methodology. CERN is maintaining an almost stoic silence, but protesters around the world are compensating with their vocal outrage.

“If it’s not God or Jesus, it’s probably an angel, or an alien or something” an unnamed protester shouted during a newscast “and to think that we can detain and experiment on him is the height of arrogance”

Scientific response has been somewhat muted as researchers mull over the new issues, but a few have released statements, including the the controversial words from the physics group at MIT:

“If what Dr. Skretting saw was indeed a superposition of all existence, a sort of omni-God, then the direct observation of God likely caused the superposition to collapse completely into, what we can only assume is, Dr. Skretting’s own mental understanding of who God is.”

Professor of theology at Oxford and former student of astronomy Dr. James Helmsin speculates:

“Did we just kill God? Or create him?”

An official response from CERN is expecting this following Tuesday.

Author Bio:: Jordan Peacock lives and works in Minnesota with his beautiful wife and daughter. When not playing with technology or music, he’s writing comic books and wrapping up a university education.

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