Peculiar Presidential Candidate Gets An Early Start

Written by Michael Cline : January 14, 2008

Keeping with recent trends in campaigning, a candidate for 2012 has already announced his plans to run for the oval office despite the fact that the 2008 election has not even been completed. Yesterday, former minority leader Jesus (I- New Israel) made his intentions known amidst what appeared to be over 5,000 raggedy supporters on the mount opposite of the Capitol Building. The former leader’s speech brought several ovations, particularly in his promise that “Obama, Edwards, Clinton, Paul…they all are peddling ‘change.’ If you elect me as your commander-in-chief, I will bring nothing short of transformation.”

Jesus’ ride to this point has been bumpy, but analysts tell us he may still have the support to possibly make the ballots in 2012. After enjoying early success as a mover and shaker on the Senate floor, Jesus fell out of the loop with his inability to connect with any political party post-September 11th. Many of his strongest allies became enemies over night when he refused to vote for the looming invasion of Afghanistan. Former ally Senator John McCain (R-Arizona) was quoted as saying “To not want to attack a country pre-emptively on shady intelligence is one thing, but to not want to strike back at known terrorists…makes absolutely no sense any way you look at it.” If McCain’s words were not detrimental enough, the votes lost in Jesus’ reelection campaign certainly were. With his approval rating hovering near seven percent, Jesus was forced to retire from the race all together.

But all was not lost. The attention garnered from his somewhat public downfall has inspired many new supporters to pick up the cause, particularly his campaign organizers who Jesus has given the name The Remnant. Whether or not The Remnant can push Jesus to the top will be the real test. Many grass roots organizers within his campaign have continually tried to place Jesus among the elite candidates for 2012, but Jesus himself seems to shrink back from their efforts preferring a more subtle role in the American political scene. His public persona is certainly peculiar, which has caused most political analysts to already write him off as “the next Ross Perot.” As if all these hurdles were not high enough, Jesus’ record suggests that he has lacked the ability to work in a partisan environment on topics such as illegal immigration, foreign policy, and economic stability, where his ideas have constantly been branded “too radical” by conservatives and liberals alike.

When approached by reporters this week for a response over Rev. Pat Robertson’s latest quote, that “Jesus certainly has star power, but needs to adjust his moral compass if he is going to get the evangelical vote in 2012,” Jesus refused to comment and instead elected to crouch down and trace his finger on the ground. Odd tactics indeed if this presidential candidate wants to be taken seriously.

mike.jpgMichael Cline is a freelance pastor and and over-employed learner who currently attends Bethel Seminary in St. Paul, Minnesota. When not snuggling with his wife, he’s blogging over at

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5 Responses to “Peculiar Presidential Candidate Gets An Early Start”

  1. Jonathan Brink on January 14th, 2008 11:53 am

    Can I be a precinct captain?

  2. Michael Cline on January 14th, 2008 5:19 pm

    Absolutely, but i think “captain” might be a bit of a stretc of terms for Jesus’ campaign rhetoric.

  3. Michael Cline on January 14th, 2008 5:19 pm


  4. Scott Hendricks on January 24th, 2008 11:34 pm

    Mike, I laughed out loud while reading the last paragraph. What a riot.

  5. Article at Jesus Manifesto | Heard Any on March 20th, 2008 9:23 pm

    […] Jesus Runs For President–check it out: Peculiar Presidential Candidate Gets An Early Start […]

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