Violent Ikea

Written by Mark Van Steenwyk : February 10, 2005

Apparently, the crowds were so rabid to buy sensible furniture at a newly opening Ikea, that several people got hurt.

_40815441_ikeacrush203Stuff like this happens every once-in-a-while…usually it involves some kids toy.  But I guess Ikea is like a toy store for adults–all those cute green chairs…those gayly colored place settings and sleek-yet-relatively-inexpensive couches.  And everything has uber-cool names like: "hopen" and "nilsby" and "alkov." 

Ikea has everything for the would-be-modern-sophisticate; I can understand why someone would want to get to Ikea for the opening…but what I can’t understand is why they’d desperately want to get to Ikea.  I’ve bought a few items at Ikea, but none of them have changed my life.  Sure, Ikea is a consumer’s paradise: low cost, high yield.  And everything is so sensible-yet-daring…it is both semi-edgy and different, yet reasonably semi-edgy and different.  But come on people, I sincerely doubt that you can’t wait a few days for that myso sno quilt you’ve been eyeing.

The sad thing about this whole incident is that they say that the reason for this abnormally-fierce response is that the area in which the store is opening is "poor."  As though poverty can be fixed by Ikea’s prices.  An estimated 6,000 "poor" people stormed Ikea…wanting their slice of consumer utopia.

For the throng of Ikea-shoppers, I have one question: what was so horrible about your existence, what was lacking so much, that you had to storm Ikea?  What is contained within the happy-colored blue-and-yellow facade that promises so much satisfaction, that you’re willing to crush people in order to secure it?

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7 Responses to “Violent Ikea”

  1. Chris on February 10th, 2005 11:09 am

    The promise of being the first on my block to own an UTSAGA paper towel dispenser fills me with unquenchable desire. I MUST have it.

  2. pat k on February 10th, 2005 5:14 pm

    Wow - life is disturbing sometimes…I’ve never been to IKEA - can’t imagine myself enjoying it for even a minute - but now I’m afraid to go, in case I catch the bug.

  3. D. Goodmanson on February 12th, 2005 6:38 pm

    appropriate article :)

  4. The She-Wolf on February 13th, 2005 10:28 pm

    Didn’t you know that leather couches solve all, or at least most of, life’s problems? I don’t have one, but that’s what I’ve been told. It sounds true. I think. But I will tell you this - if someone is standing in front of MY leather couch next time I’m at IKEA, I won’t hesitate to break his legs with a faux silver candlestick to get what’s mine. In case you’re the one standing in front of me, I’m 6′3″, bearded, and have an air of quiet desperation. Please move.

  5. pat k on February 14th, 2005 1:58 pm

    And let me tell you, there’s nothing more desperate than a bearded she-wolf on a mission for some cow-flesh.

  6. ACE on May 2nd, 2005 9:53 pm

    Uber cool names?…..Ikea is a Swedish company and as a result the names of their pieces are in…..Swedish! Wow…..go figure. I mean the audacity of those people to name their products in their own language makes me want to gag! What’s next, an American restaurant chain calling itself Big Boy or something?

  7. Van S on May 2nd, 2005 10:00 pm

    lol. Well, the names are uber-cool to the rest of the world…that’s why IKEA keeps them in swedish. It is part of the marketing mystique. This little post isn’t a critique of IKEA, but of the crazed shoppers who are willing to trample others to buy stuff from IKEA.

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