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MacArthur Launches “Nothing Must Change” Tour

Written by Mark Van Steenwyk : April 2, 2008

nothingmustchange.jpgIn a calculated counter-measure to Brian McLaren’s upcoming Everything Must Change Tour., noted author, evangelist, and pastor John MacArthur announced Wednesday that he is launching the Nothing Must Change Tour.

McLaren’s book suggest that contemporary Christianity is complicit with (or at least hands-off) about the world’s deepest problems. He suggests that our understanding of Jesus, the Kingdom of God, and the Gospel are overly concerned with “other-worldly” things and powerless at confronting what he calls the “suicide machine”–the global system of economics, politics, and military power.

“Poppycock,” says MacArthur. “The evangelical church has been helping to build the status quo for hundreds of years…we’re not about to abandon it now just because of a few wrinkles.”

In a press conference for his Nothing Must Change Tour, MacArthur argues that the current global crisis helps drive people to Jesus: “It is in our best interests to make the world an inhospitable place,” commented MacArthur. “That way sinners will be driven to the loving arms of our vengeful God.”

ABOUT THE TOUR

The Nothing Must Change Tour will focus on connecting students with the “unchanging yet ever-relevant absolute truth of God’s sovereign plan.” According to MacArthur, “students aren’t interested in a church that is trendy, but a church that speaks the unadulterated, uncorrupted, undiluted, absolute truth of the Bible.”

In a radio interview on KQUO, a conservative Christian talk radio station in Sacramento, MacArthur further explained: “The church has been a chaplain to power for 1700 years. Why mess with that? As long as the substitutionary view of the atonement is proclaimed, I’m happy. And that is what the Nothing Must Change Tour is all about–maintaining dogmatic orthodoxy and submitting to the governing authorities.”

The tour will visit twelve cities nationwide throughout the month of August:

  • August 2: Cedarville University (Cedarville, OH)
  • August 4: Atonement Evangelical Methodist Church (Chattanooga, TN)
  • August 5: International House of Truth (Virginia Beach, VA)
  • August 7: Southern Baptist Theological Seminary (Louisville, KY)
  • August 9-10: Dallas Theological Seminary (Dallas, TX)
  • August 12: Word of God Chapel (Oklahoma City, OK)
  • August 16: Bible Community Church (Chicago, IL)
  • August 17: Stalwart Evangelical Church (Denver, CO)
  • August 19: Northwestern College (St. Paul, MN)
  • August 23: Great Plains Remnant Church (Lincoln, NE)
  • August 26: Golden Gate Theological Seminary (San Francisco, CA)
  • August 27: Old Hickory Bible Church (Seattle, WA)

THE MAC ATTACK

Some are billing this as the theological battle of the year. John MacArthur and Brian McLaren represent two competing futures for American evangelicalism. Clearly, MacArthur’s is still the dominant perspective, but ground is being lost to McLaren and other leaders of the so-called “Emergent Church Movement.”

We tried to contact Brian McLaren for comment, but was only able to reach his executive assistant, Terry Gillespie, who assures us that “Brian has nothing to fear…the challenge from MacArthur will only foster greater conversation and dialog. And in the end, we’re confident that Brian’s niceness will convince everyone of the justness of our cause.”

Later, however, Brian McLaren issued a press release announcing an upcoming autumn tour promoting his soon-to-be-released book Everything Must Change Again. Dates for the next tour are still being decided, as several other major emerging church leaders are having their own tours throughout the rest of the year.

Editor’s Note: This is a work of satire. In fact, it should have been published yesterday (which was April Fool’s Day) but the new baby made me into a delinquent satirist. Before you launch your own Mack Attack on behalf of your beloved author (either McLaren or MacArthur), you should pause, take a deep breath, realize this is satire, and then lighten up.

Mark Van Steenwyk is the general editor of Jesus Manifesto. He is a Mennonite pastor (Missio Dei in Minneapolis), writer, speaker, and grassroots educator. He lives in South Minneapolis with his wife (Amy), son (Jonas) and some of their friends.


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Comments

Viewing 18 Comments

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    I just read TSK's (Andrew Jones) post on all the dust being raised by MacArthur and company over "contextualization" (their view is that it isn't necessary and that Paul didn't ever do it...which...is just crazy talk.)
    http://tallskinnykiwi.typepad.com/tallskinnykiw...
    • ^
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    Yeah, I read that post too. Good stuff. I've been planning this particular satirical piece for a while. The latest hullabaloo was a catalyst for me to finally get it written.
    • ^
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    Hey Mark,
    One of your links in this article happens to be pointing to a music video with Rick Astley. Tremendously amusing - its been ages since I saw that music video! But I assume that it has nothing what so ever to do with the tour... At least I got a good laugh.

    Cheers
    • ^
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    This, Henrik, is what is called bing "rickrolled": http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rickroll
    • ^
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    I'm looking forward to the "Everything Must Chimichanga" Tour myself.
    • ^
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    Really? A shot at Northwestern?

    Of course those who believe they are conserving the past and preserving it intact are fooling themselves. Tradition always gets reworked and re-formed.

    My favorite part is about being driven into the loving arms of our vengeful God. Great stuff!
    • ^
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    "And in the end, we’re confident that Brian’s niceness will convince everyone of the justness of our cause."

    Absolutely!
    • ^
    • v
    Absolutely awesome! Right up there with the Al Mohler post on cursing.

    Thanks. :)
    • ^
    • v
    This is hilarious. I'm so glad you made up a church in Denver or my Google Alert for Denver Seminary would never have alerted me to you (even though Denver and Seminary weren't quite juxtaposed it still gave me the hit).
    • ^
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    Maclaren reminds me of the book with chapters by liberal theologians, How my Mind has Changed in the Last Ten years." One wag suggested they do another book on 'How My Mind Has Changed in the Last Ten Minutes." They gave up these endeavors because by the time the publishers got them printed they were out of date!
    • ^
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    While we're on the subject, I'm proud to announce the "Don't Forget Your Change" tour featuring cultural icon and pope of The Church of Global Commerce Ronald McDonald. Join Ronald as he laments the woefully inadequate number of cupholders and change drawers in the most popular hybrid vehicles currently on the market, and points the way forward to a world blessed by more salt (though less light). His list of venues is far too lengthy to mention, I'm afraid, since literally billions are clamoring to cram their fat butts into a bolted down unpadded bench-table and take in all he has to offer. This culture leader's footprint is, frankly, huge.
    • ^
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    Hi-freaking-larious. Thanks.
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    Hmph. I went to Cedarville. At least they got to be first on the list, eh? ;o)
    • ^
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    They should both just sit down at Tom Wrights feet for a while....
    ;-)
    • ^
    • v
    Will there be wrestling?
    • ^
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    too funny that cedarville is first on the tour!
    • ^
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    You got me...I had this link posted on two discussion groups before I got to the end. HAHA! Awesome.

    MacArthur vs McLaren...any chance this is just an old clan feud? :-)
    • ^
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    hey. I am what my congregation calls a "baby christian" i recently bought your bible and love it so much i really need to hear you speak. I pray that you come to Alabama. I would make it a point to come and know that hearing you speak would make a huge impact on my life. thank you for taking the time to read this.

    God Blesses you!
    Stephanie
 

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