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Dear Pastor Ellens,

I read your recent article...and could remain silent no more! Suburban-dwellers like you grieve me. I too was a suburbanite once. But two years ago, I moved into the city to embrace a radical life of solidarity with the poor. My hope is, that in response to my response to your article, that you too will leave your wicked suburban ways and move into the city. Jesus loves you too much for you to remain in the suburbs.

A couple years ago, I head Shane Claiborne speak. Man, he opened my eyes to what it REALLY means to follow Jesus. And so, I decided then and there to make a radical change. I cashed in some of my frequent flier miles and went to the Simple Way in Philadelphia (though people in the neighborhood call it “Philly”).

After a couple of weeks of living in solidarity with the poor, I decided to help start a new monastic community in the City so that the people of America would see what Jesus REALLY looks like. My wife and I, and some of my friends from my Christian College, bought a house in a really dumpy part of the City and began our work. We call ourselves the 23rd Avenue Radical House Collective. I’m the lead member…which is kinda like the pastor, but I don’t believe in pastors, so I call myself something different.

It has been a hard couple of years, but I think we have learned some lessons that if everyone would take seriously would radically change our nation forever:

1. Stop eating meat. Meat usually takes up a lot of space. Plants don’t need as much space. So by eating veggies, we’re freeing up a bunch of space for poor people to move into. And then we won’t need 9.2 earths per USAmerican to sustain the world.
2. Garden. Growing stuff yourself saves you money, and provides vegetables so that you can make vegan soups for homeless people. They don’t usually like the taste, but it is good for them.
3. Bicycle everywhere. Hey, when you ride a bike, you are resisting the military industrial complex, man, and its dependence on foreign oil. That helps the poor because they will have cleaner air to breath and by spending less money ourselves, it somehow translates into more money for them.
4. Wear dreadlocks. Sure, dreads are high maintenance at first…but after a while they take care of themselves, giving you more time to spend praying or bicycling or being in solidarity with people.
5. Don’t worry about smelling. Part of our problem in the US is that we care too much about grooming and looking respectable. By remaining unwashed, we stand in solidarity with the homeless, who are unable to bathe regularly. I think they really appreciate that.
6. Make things yourself. For example, I don’t buy regular coffee…even buying fair trade coffee is for poseurs. What I do is buy green organic fair trade beans and roast them myself using a popcorn popper. There is nothing the poor like better than really excellent coffee. Or other hand-made stuff.
7. Live with friends. By living together, you save money that you could theoretically give to the poor, if you have jobs. And you can pray together more from prayer books that are cool because I grew up in a church that ripped on formal prayers.
8. Do art projects with neighborhood children. We have an artist in our community, so we do art projects with kids. We believe that training young poor kids how to do art will give them hope. And when they grow up, they’ll be able to get a job as artists, instead of living a life of poverty.
9. Protest stuff. The marginalized need empowered white folks to protest stuff. By adding our powerful voices with their weak voices, we can stick it to the man, and as a result, the man may change his ways.
10. Vote for Obama. We have common ground on this last on, Pastor Ellens. You see, Obama fills me with hope too! A vote for Obama is a vote for hope. If you vote for anyone else, you don’t care about poor people.

So Pastor Ellens, I hope you can see that we offer a better way. An incarnational, radical, missional way that follows the way of Jesus. Unlike your hollow mega-Christianity.

Peace to you,

Derrick “Street Prophet” Andrews

Editor’s Note: This is a work of (self-depricating) satire. Its funnier if you happened to have read this first.

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I’m tired of being accused of indifference to the poor. Fringe folks and radicals (like the readers here) usually give me a hard time. Sure, I’m wildly successful. Sure, I wear $140 pants. Yes, I drive an Audi and/or my wife’s Lexus SUV. But just because I am the affluent pastor of a suburban megachurch doesn’t mean that I don’t care about poverty. I care about those poor people too!

Every week, I look over thousands of faces…looking to me to help them understand what it means to follow Jesus. We all know that Jesus cared about poor people. And in my own way, in my own suburban context, I too have a ministry to the poor.

Hey, maybe it works for some of you to live among the poor in urban neighborhoods, doing your gardening, protesting, letting people in off the streets, or whatever-else-it-is-you-folks-do. But the rest of us are looking for more practical, mainstream ways of caring for the poor. Here are 10 things I, or my church, have done in the last year to help alleviate poverty:

1. Invite high profile speakers and or musicians to help raise awareness. Last week we had a huge youth concert at church featuring Derek Webb. That guy is ALL ABOUT caring for things like poverty. In the past year we’ve had guest speakers from Bread for the World and Evangelicals for Social Action. We even had Shane Claiborne come speak at a special youth and young adults rally last year. Sure, these sorts of events are expensive. But you can’t put a price tag on awareness.
2. Promote the One Campaign. In the southwest corner of our lobby (by the E parking lot), we have an information kiosk where people can learn more about the One Campaign. And every quarter, we include a blurb about the One Campaign in our projection announcements.
3. Give some of your church budget to global poverty. We set aside 1% of our multi-million dollar budget for World Relief. That ends up being a lot of money. And when we spent $19 million on building expansion last year, we put $190,000 towards organizations like Compassion International and Bread for the World. At our church, we have particular concern for foreign poor people.
4. Do a sermon series. Last year, I did a sermon series called “Poor People of the Bible.” Each sermon began with a hilarious little skit featuring different poor Bible characters. At the end of each sermon, I offered practical steps for faithful living. Sometimes it was a hard task…especially with the teachings of Jesus. Jesus overstates things a lot and it takes serious translation work to help it apply to my congregation.
5. Serve the poor. Since there aren’t any poor people in our suburb, we have built partnerships with urban soup kitchens and shelters. My small group, for example, helps serve breakfast to the homeless every month. It makes my heart feel warm to help out. Afterwards, as a reward, we treat ourselves to a swanky brunch at our favorite restaurant.
6. Buy Fair Trade. Most people are poor because of bad choices. But some people are poor because they can’t get a decent wage. That is why it makes sense to buy Fair Trade goods on occasion. For example, whenever I order a double mocha at Starbucks, I make sure that they use Fair Trade Coffee. My wife could spend hundreds on new purses, but sometimes she make a sacrifice by making hand made purses from women in Peru. Since they only cost $90, she usually buys two at a time.
7. Put pocket change into those little cans at grocery checkout lines. I think that money goes to alleviate child homelessness. Every little bit helps.
8. Create jobs. Most of our janitors at church were unemployed for a long time before we hired them. Sometimes people need a helping hand. And personally, by utilizing a gardening service and a maid service, my family is employing exactly the sort of person who would be poor without a job.
9. Don’t throw it away, donate it. It may be junk to you, but often times, poor people aren’t that picky. Consider donating it to Good Will. After all, one man’s junk is another man’s treasure.
10. Vote for Obama. While I can’t official endorse a candidate as a pastor, as a person, I am endorsing Barack Obama. In the past, I’ve always voted Republican. But Obama fills me with such hope. A vote for Obama is a vote for hope. If you vote for anyone else, you don’t care about poor people.

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Kevin Smith–the irreverent director who brought us such films as Clerks and Dogma–is once again causing a stir among the faithful. Last month, Smith began filming Trinity, a film based upon the Christian understanding of God. According to insider sources, the film, which is presumably going for the same vibe as Dogma, depicts “one day in the life of God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Ghost.”

In a recent interview with Variety, Smith explained the concept for the film this way:

Look. I’m not trying to piss off devout Christians. Instead, the film is really exploring the question: “What does God think of what we’ve done with the world?” I chose to depict God as a Trinity because the idea has always fascinated me…and because it allows for some hilarious conversations. You can’t exactly build great dialog with a God who only talks to himself. This way, we can see God talking amongst themselves, so to speak…and see different facets of God in these different characters.

When asked whether or not his film is likely to cause controversy, Smith replied:

Of course it will. I mean, I have no real need to make God come off looking good in this picture. I’m depicting the Trinity in a way that is very human and humorous. If I maintained their sanctity, the movie would suck. But in the end, the movie isn’t about making fun of God…but making fun of us…human beings.

The film will star Michael Caine as God the Father, Christian Bale as Jesus Christ, and that blond guy from Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure as the Holy Ghost. Both Caine and Bale will add acting gravitas to this off-beat comedy. Unfortunately, their market values broke the budget, leaving a shoe-string budget for the rest of the film…including casting for the Holy Ghost.

When asked about this decision, Smith replied:

The film won’t really rely upon special effects…it isn’t as though we’re going to have Michael [Caine] shooting lightening from his fingers. The movie is classier than that…Regarding my casting for the Holy Ghost. Well, to be honest, he doesn’t really do much. He is really more of a foil and a prop for the other two, so I didn’t want to bring in a Hollywood heavyweight for that role.

Already, before any of the actual content of the film has been made public, religious groups are protesting the film. The most vocal critics have been James Dobson of Focus on the Family and Bill Donahue of the Catholic League. Donahue calls the film “blasphemy with heresy mixed in.” Dobson believes that the film is “an affront to all decent people of faith everywhere.”

Trinity is scheduled for wide release around Christmas 2009.

Editor’s Note: This isn’t a real film. That is why this article is in the “satire” section. For the record, “that blond dude from Bill and Ted is named Alex Winter. I’m sure he’s a fine actor.

This is the second in a series of satirical posts leading up to the day of Pentecost. In honor of that esteemed day, consider submitting to the Pentecost Writing Competition! And don’t forget. We need regular submissions to keep the content flowing as well (submit here).

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At CERN this week, in preparation for the final construction stages for the LHC (Large Hadron Collider), a smaller-scale test run has just completed. The test, meant as the first of a series of tests ramping up to the full scale launch of the LHC, works with quantum particles in a growing attempt to unify some of the more complex and seemingly contradictory models of physics, primarily that of general relativity as proposed by Albert Einstein. Modern scientists such as the famous Stephen Hawking have spent years trying to develop a ‘grand theory of everything’ that can handle the complexities of the competing models.

The first sign the test was going wrong was when the equipment monitoring the experiment broke. The self destruction of the monitoring devices first manifested as computer errors, followed by system shutdowns and small explosions. Dr. Hans Skretting, a leader in quantum physics, attempted to move to a backup observation system and in the process, accidentally observed the experiment directly.

“It was like looking at infinity shrink, infinitely fast. The first thought that came to my mind was that ‘This must be what God is’. As soon as that thought entered my mind the collapse accelerated until the only thing left was a body, laying on the control room floor with wisps of smoke rising about him.”

According to witnesses, the body raised itself and stood; the man was wearing brilliant white robes and sandals, and while bald, had a beard of the whitest hair that reached almost to his waist. His first words where “What happened?”

Word is that the mysterious stranger has since been detained for tests, while an EU science committee has launched an investigation into the experiment’s methodology. CERN is maintaining an almost stoic silence, but protesters around the world are compensating with their vocal outrage.

“If it’s not God or Jesus, it’s probably an angel, or an alien or something” an unnamed protester shouted during a newscast “and to think that we can detain and experiment on him is the height of arrogance”

Scientific response has been somewhat muted as researchers mull over the new issues, but a few have released statements, including the the controversial words from the physics group at MIT:

“If what Dr. Skretting saw was indeed a superposition of all existence, a sort of omni-God, then the direct observation of God likely caused the superposition to collapse completely into, what we can only assume is, Dr. Skretting’s own mental understanding of who God is.”

Professor of theology at Oxford and former student of astronomy Dr. James Helmsin speculates:

“Did we just kill God? Or create him?”

An official response from CERN is expecting this following Tuesday.

Author Bio:: Jordan Peacock lives and works in Minnesota with his beautiful wife and daughter. When not playing with technology or music, he’s writing comic books and wrapping up a university education.

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Police discovered the Holy Spirit trapped inside an area man’s home on Tuesday morning. Police raided the home of Larry Thompson, age 53, after a neighbor noticed “strange sounds” coming from the man’s basement. There, police discovered the Holy Spirit, trapped in an large glass bottle.

Missing since 1986, the Holy Spirit has been a misunderstood, mysterious, force in the world of Christian thought. Police only began searching for the Holy Spirit recently, since no one had filed a mission persons report.

“We didn’t know he was gone,” said Pastor Lynn Spalding of Trinity Lutheran Church. “Our faith doesn’t require the validation of experience.”

Oddly enough, even local Assembly of God pastor Frank Ortiz didn’t realize that the Holy Spirit had been kidnapped. “We just assumed that he was withholding his presence from us until we were worthy for revival,” said the Pentecostal minister.

When local Baptist pastor Charles Graham was told that the Holy Spirit had been found, he expressed surprise: “You mean there actually IS a Holy Spirit?”

Thompson tried ransoming the Holy Spirit several times between 1986 and 1995, but Catholic, Lutheran, Baptist, and Pentecostal leadership were unwilling to pay the $250,000 ransom price. As ransom attempts failed, Thompson stored the Holy Spirit away in his basement for “safe keeping.”

According to early reports, Thompson “completely forgot about the Holy Spirit” until several months ago, when the Spirit started to groan wordlessly. Eventually, the groans became loud enough to upset neighbors.

The Holy Spirit isn’t pressing charges.

Editor’s Note: Don’t worry, the Holy Spirit should be recovered enough to make his regular annual appearance at Pentecost on May 11. In honor of this esteemed day: don’t forget your submission to the Pentecost Writing Competition! And don’t forget. We need regular submissions to keep the content flowing as well.

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In a calculated counter-measure to Brian McLaren’s upcoming Everything Must Change Tour., noted author, evangelist, and pastor John MacArthur announced Wednesday that he is launching the Nothing Must Change Tour.

McLaren’s book suggest that contemporary Christianity is complicit with (or at least hands-off) about the world’s deepest problems. He suggests that our understanding of Jesus, the Kingdom of God, and the Gospel are overly concerned with “other-worldly” things and powerless at confronting what he calls the “suicide machine”–the global system of economics, politics, and military power.

“Poppycock,” says MacArthur. “The evangelical church has been helping to build the status quo for hundreds of years…we’re not about to abandon it now just because of a few wrinkles.”

In a press conference for his Nothing Must Change Tour, MacArthur argues that the current global crisis helps drive people to Jesus: “It is in our best interests to make the world an inhospitable place,” commented MacArthur. “That way sinners will be driven to the loving arms of our vengeful God.”

ABOUT THE TOUR

The Nothing Must Change Tour will focus on connecting students with the “unchanging yet ever-relevant absolute truth of God’s sovereign plan.” According to MacArthur, “students aren’t interested in a church that is trendy, but a church that speaks the unadulterated, uncorrupted, undiluted, absolute truth of the Bible.”

In a radio interview on KQUO, a conservative Christian talk radio station in Sacramento, MacArthur further explained: “The church has been a chaplain to power for 1700 years. Why mess with that? As long as the substitutionary view of the atonement is proclaimed, I’m happy. And that is what the Nothing Must Change Tour is all about–maintaining dogmatic orthodoxy and submitting to the governing authorities.”

The tour will visit twelve cities nationwide throughout the month of August:

• August 2: Cedarville University (Cedarville, OH)
• August 4: Atonement Evangelical Methodist Church (Chattanooga, TN)
• August 5: International House of Truth (Virginia Beach, VA)
• August 7: Southern Baptist Theological Seminary (Louisville, KY)
• August 9-10: Dallas Theological Seminary (Dallas, TX)
• August 12: Word of God Chapel (Oklahoma City, OK)
• August 16: Bible Community Church (Chicago, IL)
• August 17: Stalwart Evangelical Church (Denver, CO)
• August 19: Northwestern College (St. Paul, MN)
• August 23: Great Plains Remnant Church (Lincoln, NE)
• August 26: Golden Gate Theological Seminary (San Francisco, CA)
• August 27: Old Hickory Bible Church (Seattle, WA)

THE MAC ATTACK

Some are billing this as the theological battle of the year. John MacArthur and Brian McLaren represent two competing futures for American evangelicalism. Clearly, MacArthur’s is still the dominant perspective, but ground is being lost to McLaren and other leaders of the so-called “Emergent Church Movement.”

We tried to contact Brian McLaren for comment, but was only able to reach his executive assistant, Terry Gillespie, who assures us that “Brian has nothing to fear…the challenge from MacArthur will only foster greater conversation and dialog. And in the end, we’re confident that Brian’s niceness will convince everyone of the justness of our cause.”

Later, however, Brian McLaren issued a press release announcing an upcoming autumn tour promoting his soon-to-be-released book Everything Must Change Again. Dates for the next tour are still being decided, as several other major emerging church leaders are having their own tours throughout the rest of the year.

Editor’s Note: This is a work of satire. In fact, it should have been published yesterday (which was April Fool’s Day) but the new baby made me into a delinquent satirist. Before you launch your own Mack Attack on behalf of your beloved author (either McLaren or MacArthur), you should pause, take a deep breath, realize this is satire, and then lighten up.

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The book would make for a great sitcom: a pastor roadtrip across the United States, critiquing several church along the way. Henderson believes that evangelism requires listening to “the good, the bad and the ugly about Christianity in order to be a better minister.” So he invited Jesus, the Son of God and supposed “founder” of Christianity, to observe how modern American Christians are doing with the movement he started. Their travels took them to an urban outreach church, an Emergent church, a new monastic community, a liberal mainline church, and to an evangelical megachurch.

In the book, Tim and Jesus discuss everything from preaching to music to location. Every step of the way, Jesus asks, “Why do these churches have such different ideas on what it means to follow me?” As a reader, I was drawn into the dialog and experiences. In a way, the book offers very few easy answers. But it does show that while each of the churches has an honest approach to following the way of Jesus (except maybe Osteen’s Church), each community can learn much more from the way of the master.

Because the book revolves around the five communities that Tim and Jesus visit, I thought it to be appropriate to share the highlights of their experiences of each. In particular, Jesus has a lot to say:

City Light International Street Mission

Tim and Jesus fist visit City Light International Street Mission, a small urban Pentecostal community in Nashville. The book is generous in their description. You could tell that both Jesus and Tim were weirded-out by the raw emotionalism and “pentecostal bells and whistles” of the worship service. But they were soft in their criticisms.

At one point in this section of the book, Tim states: “You could tell that the Mission doesn’t have the funding to reach out to these folks…but they do it anyways…that is commendable.” (22)
Jesus affirmed their heart for the poor: “When they serve these friends of mine, it is like they are serving me.” (22)

But their experience wasn’t entirely positive. At one point during the very loud and frenzied worship service, the pastor started prophesying that a “new move of the Spirit” would visit the church and spark a new revival for the healing of the nations. At the end of the prophecy, Jesus stood up and said: “I have already told you. The Kingdom of God is among you. Stop looking for signs and wonders, and follow the gentle leading of my Spirit.” Afterwards, Jesus got rebuked…and one elder attempted to “deliver” Jesus from a “spirit of rebellion.” (45-47)

The Livingroom

Next, Tim and Jesus visited The Livingroom, an Emergent-style church in Chicago. Tim thoroughly enjoyed himself, but Jesus fell asleep during the music portion of the gathering. He said: “It was so atmospheric. What is it with urban hipsters and their mellow music? At least the music at City Light was joyous…and City Light even had a song of lament.” (68)

During their visit, the pastor gave a sermon about social justice…and how the Gospel was more about what you do than what you say…and that what you say isn’t really that important if you show love. Afterwards, Tim and Jesus got into a deep conversation about whether or not they agreed. Tim tended to agree with the statement, but Jesus disagreed: “I was sitting there listening to this pastor tell his flock how I wasn’t very interested in preaching and proclaiming the Gospel. That upset me. Can’t he read? Doesn’t he notice how much RED there is in the Gospels?”

Humility House

Humility House is one of a growing number of “new monastic” communities. Located in a poor part of Denver, Humility House practices hospitality, care for the poor, and engages in the occasional protest. There community is made up of about 12 members–8 of them living in the house.

Tim felt that the community was warm and inviting, but didn’t “get” what it was they were hoping to accomplish: “I affirm their community and that they help a few people out from time to time, but this isn’t the sort of model that most Christians can follow. And it could put off a lot of seekers.”

Jesus disagreed: “These are my kind of hippies. These sorts of radicals really connect with an important part of my message. But they never seem to stick around for very long. How many of my brothers and sister hippies are still going strong from the movement they named after me in the 70s and 80s?” Later on, Jesus writes: “I wish they wouldn’t always be so dang serious. There is a time for simplicity. But there is also a time for drink and song.”

Trinity United Methodist Church

Tim and Jesus connected with the mainline church the least. This was the shortest section of the book. They visited Trinity United Methodist Church in Phoenix, Arizona. Tim felt bored the whole time. Jesus tried to mingle with folks in the foyer after the service, but no one seemed to be interested in him…just the idea of him.

Lakewater Community Church

Finally, Jesus and Tim visited Lakewater Community Church in Dallas, Texas. Lakewater has 30,000 members and proclaims a soft-message of prosperity and hope. Tim had lots to stay about the techniques this church used to draw in lots of seekers. But Jesus didn’t like his visit much. He writes that “the leaders of this church reminded me of the folks who crucified me.”

After the service, Jesus was able to make an appointment with the pastor. But the meeting was cut short. The pastor didn’t believe that Jesus was the REAL Jesus. After all, this Jesus was much too shabbily dressed to be the REAL Jesus. On his way out, Jesus shook out his sandals on the step as he and Tim made their way back to California.

Closing Thoughts

The book was pretty well written, though I could tell from Jesus’ sections that he hadn’t written a book before. His insights were the most insightful, but I found I could relate with Tim’s perspective more easily. Clearly, the two men had their favorite communities, and a couple that they didn’t like. But there are so many communities out there that you can’t really get a sense of what sort of church either would say is the “ideal church.” But I suppose that is the point. We’re not supposed to be discontent with out communities as we strive for the ideal. Instead, we are called to be as faithful to Jesus as we can in the sorts of communities that we find ourselves in.

This was a work of satire. No such book exists. And while Jesus doesn’t take road-trips to visit churches, I would like to assume that he is present, in some way, at all sorts of Churches. Are we listening to what he has to say?

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Possum Trot, VA/Harper, WV – Along route 250 in Harper WV sits a small white church. New Freedoms Community Church was founded in 2003 by Pastor Ben Taggart. Pastor Taggart, who graduated from seminary in 1988, had a dream to serve the rural peoples of western Virginia. When his small house church outgrew his living room he found St. Mark’s Methodist for sale not far from his home.“It was perfect” he says of the 150 year old building. “Sure, it had some minor issues but the congregation had taken really good care of it.”

But the existing congregation was so apt to leave the building behind they failed to mention that it wasn’t located in Virginia at all; but in Harper, West Virginia.

“It wasn’t that we were trying to hide anything from Mr. Taggart” said Matthew Whitlock, St. Mark’s Real Estate agent “It just didn’t come up.”

Taggart bought the church and received the original deed, dated May 19th 1858, and it is true that the church was squarely located in Virginia at that time. But in June 1863, in the midst of the Civil War, West Virginia seceded from Virginia which placed the 5 year old church in the hands of Union Forces.

Pastor Taggart did not know his church’s true location until Route 250 was repaved and a sign was placed 1/4 mile from his church: “Welcome to West Virginia: Buckle up it’s our law.”.

“It was a shock and it really messes up a lot of stuff. My heart is in Virginia. My home is in Virginia. We have the Virginia State Flag in the church foyer. Even our mission statement says ‘We are to be a light to the people of Virginia’” said Taggart. “I never wanted my ministry to be encumbered by having to serve two states. And I really like the rural folks in western Virginia not those inbred hicks in West Virginia.”

Indeed, Taggart seems to be “all about Virginia” said friend and congregation member Ted Hastings. “He feels that God called him to be in a place where anyone can carry concealed.”

Taggart had even gone so far as to begin a lawsuit against St. Mark’s, Advance Realty who handled the transaction, and also the state of West Virginia for failing to ever change the deed.

“My deed says Virginia. I bought a church in Virginia. All I want, really, is for the people responsible for the mix up to put the church on a truck and move it a half mile south.”

Whether or not that will happen remains to be seen. The church needs money for the lawsuit to go through but many of Taggart’s congregants have left for other congregations; especially those who live in Harper.

“Once Taggart figured out we lived in Harper he told us we were “Yankees” and made sarcastic comments about West Virginia from the pulpit.” said ex-parishioner Thomas Lance.

Harper exists well below the Mason-Dixon line putting it squarely in the South.

“Rural people have roots. I was born in Virginia. My parents were born in Virginia. My Grandparents were born in Virginia.” Taggart says.

“But I was born in Arkansas.” adds his wife, Shelly.

“And that, honey, is why you’ll never understand.” Ben Taggart explains with a smile.

Editor’s Note: This is a work of fiction. Any resemblances to real churches and/or people, while funny, are coincidental.

Author Bio:: Tim Baer is an urban Mennonite who lives in Baltimore with his four children, his wife, and a cat that pees everywhere but eats the mice so he can’t get rid of her. In his spare time he enjoys playing the drums, watching movies, and throwing down some mayhem in moshpits. He is also obsessed with Chik-Fil-A (A club, switch the meat, and a Dr. Pepper).

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