In an effort to get to the bottom of this ongoing debate to ascertain if Obama is indeed Lucifier’s lackey, I decided to go back and dig up Anton Szandor LaVey. Born April 11, 1930 of Georgian and Alsatian ancestry, LeVay founded the Church of Satan on April 30, 1966 Prior to his death on October 29, 1997 of heart failure, he penned The Satanic Bible, The Satanic Rituals, and The Satanic Witch.

OK. Mr. LaVey, let’s cut to the chase. Are conservatives correct when they call President Barak Hussein Obama the devil?

First off, we need to get our definitions in order. The devil is not the stereotyped fellow cloaked in red garb, with horns and a tail, holding a pitchfork ready to nail sinful humans who are following their true instincts. I don’t worship the devil. To me, Satan is not seen as an anthropomorphic being, but rather represents the forces of nature. As I see it, the self is sacred, the highest embodiment of life.

Using that logic, then most politicians could be described as practicing Satanists given the self-centered nature of their profession.

While Satanists admit they are their own God, the extreme vast majority of politicians seem to profess at least some semblance of a belief in God. The fact that Obama has yet to choose a church leaves open the slim possibility that he might decide to join our ranks. But so far, he has only been to Christian houses of worship with an occasional foray into a synagogue or mosque to solidify his political bases. Also, I fail to see any signs that this current president has participated in any satanic rituals.

But are there any indicators that Obama might be Anti-Christ?

Well, we Satanists worship the Roman god Lucifer as the bearer of light, the spirit of the air and the personification of enlightenment. Obama is definitely a change that’s brought light into the White House; however, given some of his compromises, I’m not prepared to say that Obama personifies enlightenment.

Some equate his stimulus program with godless socialism.

This stimulus package goes against our beliefs that Satan represents vital existence instead of spiritual pipe dreams. Furthermore, some of these bailouts to multinational corporations go against the Church of Satan’s plan to move society in directions that are considered to be beneficial to Satanists.

How so?

We advocate for the general recognition and acceptance of stratification, which is no less than the elimination of egalitarianism wherever it has taken root. Mediocrity shall be identified and despised. The stupid should suffer for their behavior. The truly beautiful and magnificent are to be cherished. While these bailouts clearly help advance the Bush notion to produce an un-egalitarian society, these moves reward stupidity and mediocrity. Also, it troubles me that too many Satanists are stuck in dead end jobs due to this recession, thus causing their magnificent beauty to wither.

As the founder of the Church of Satan, how do you feel about Obama expanding the Office of Faith based initiatives?

The Church of Satan is not tax exempt. We believe in the enforcement of strict taxation of all churches. This would remove the government sanction of religion and force these parasites to live off of their own members alone, and if they can’t, then they will perish as they should. We celebrated when Bush’s Office of Faith Based Initiatives collapsed and are devastated that Obama would choose to resurrect such this monstrosity from the dead.

OK. What other indicators are there that Obama isn’t a practicing Satanist?

I see no sign that Obama will support the reestablishment of Lex Talionis throughout human society. Instead, he supports the Judeo-Christian tradition which exists secularly under the guise of liberal humanism has exalted the criminal over the victim, taking responsibility away from the wrong-doer with their doctrine of forgiveness. Such thinking is a disgrace towards the ideal of justice. This must stop! All must accept the consequences of their actions.

As you know pro-life groups have denounced Obama for his endorsement of stem cell research.

That’s a step in the right direction but it’s not nearly far enough. Satanists advocate the development and promotion of artificial human companions. These humanoids will be constructed to be as realistic as possible, and available to anyone who can afford one. Recognizing that the human animal often raises himself up through the denigration of another, this would provide a safe outlet for such behavior. Everyone can have the lover of your dreams, regardless of your own prowess; every man a king who can purchase his own subject; or contrariwise, buy the master you wish to serve.

Sounds a bit similar to how lobbyists interact with our elected officials.

Yes, one can find attributes of Satanism present at all level of government. For instance, former President Bush seems to agree with us that we should practice vengeance instead of turning the other cheek. And former President Bill Clinton embodies our thinking that Satan represents indulgence instead of abstinence. Clinton’s actions are in line with our desire to create total environments that technologically up-to-date but theatrically convincing, that will serve as literal pleasure domes and places of amusement and delight. Here you will be able to indulge in whatever environment you can imagine. Recreation of past history would not only be ripe for these constructions, but science fiction and fantasy will provide fertile sources for many of these playgrounds.

Should critics of Satanism worry about what the world would look like if you took over?

The world when fully permeated by Satanism will provide a challenging environment wherein you can achieve much, or little, based on the level of input you can muster and the extent of your natural abilities. Yes, this is frightening to the masses who wish to sit back and be herded from one media hyped product to the next. Our world challenges you to think, and do something with those thoughts! Those who wish to lead a drugged existence, whether the addictive element is chemical or media, shall be recognized for the slaves that they are and held in contempt. Frankly, you need only fear real Satanism if you are a criminal, a parasite, or a wastrel.

About Becky Garrison

Becky Garrison is featured in the documentaries Nailin’ it to the Church (http://www.nailinittothechurch.com) and The Ordinary Radicals (http://www.theordinaryradicals.com).