Shame is both an emotion (I feel shame for this thing that I’ve done, or for who I am). It is also something that I can "put" on someone else (I shamed John for getting drunk at the party last night).

Monday night, I saw shame in someone’s eyes. And I, inadvertently, was the one who "put" it there. Monday nights, my wife and I tutor immigrants in English from 6-9. My first time tutoring, I met an Oromo man named Mohammed. Mohammed’s english wasn’t very good, and he was mentally ill. He was having trouble getting a job, so I offered to take special time away from the rest of the class to help him fill out an application properly. The next week, Mohammed was gone. Mohammed stopped coming to class, but I wasn’t sure why. Sunday night, I ran into Mohammed at the Hard Times Cafe, a place where folks from Missio Dei like to hang out. I talked to him a bit and urged him to come back to class. Monday night, he came to class. It was then that I noticed that the class teachers were visably upset. I learned from them that Mohammed had been banned from the program because he had become irrational and violent. I had to go to Mohommed and tell him that he wasn’t allowed into class…that I had made a mistake and that I couldn’t help him after all. Mohammed didn’t make a fuss. His eyes turned down with a look of sadness, and he walked out the door. He looked ashamed.

About Mark Van Steenwyk

Mark Van Steenwyk is a member of Missio Dei. He is a speaker, writer, educator, and grassroots organizer. With the support of the Central Plains Mennonite Conference, he travels to radical and intentional communities around the country to help network and offer support.